I reached out to Olivia's dad

Against my dh's wishes, and probably my better judgment, I knew I had to reach out to Olivia's father. I had been crying every day for nearly a month. Any time I had a quiet moment my thoughts would drift back to her and the tears would start up again. I knew that my issue was more than just grief from not being her parent, but for the unknowns, where was she, was her dad able to get custody, how about his family? What happened after we left her?

I had some paperwork from the hospital, and her father's name was listed, and his city. It ends up he lives not too far from us, and yeah, I had a fantasy of me sending him a note, and him letting me know everything was ok, and why sure I could bring over some Christmas gifts and set up a college fund for her, and we could keep in touch and I could make sure she was always doing ok... Of course, reality was a little bit different.

So, I got on facebook and did a little search. Up popped his name and picture... and his wall was open. I clicked, and there was a little tiny post that announced the birth of his daughter. It was posted about 3 days after we had said goodbye, and people were congratulating him and he seemed so proud. But, that was it. A few days later there was a post that just said "i hate court." And then nothing else relevant. Well, that didn't help me at all, so I thought long and hard, and finally wrote him the following note, and hoped he would take pity on me and answer at least some of my questions.

Dear J., 

You & I don't know each other, but we both know someone very special - (baby Olivia, but I used the name that was on the hospital paperwork). We were the family that was set up to adopt her from the hospital. I need to tell you that at first we didn't know that you were involved, or wanted to be involved. When we found out that you didn't know that CPS or an adoption plan was in place, and that you wanted to be a father to sweet Olivia, then we made the extremely heart-hurting decision to step out of your and your family's way. We knew that it wasn't going to be easy for your side of the family to step in, fathers have very few rights in the USA, and CPS especially isn't the easiest to deal with. But, **we** couldn't be a hurdle to stopping a family who wanted to take care of their child.

You might be wondering why I'm contacting you now. The truth is, I haven't stopped crying for three weeks. Not because we aren't parents, but because once we left Olivia at the hospital, we never knew what happened next.  I need to know that she is ok, that we didn't do something wrong, that your family was able to get the ball-rolling for custody, or at least that you've heard where she is, and she's ok.  Can you please, please let me know?

I have some pictures of her from our night at the hospital with her. I'd love to send them over to you (I can e-mail them, or maybe set up a FB album, or just drop them off somewhere (we're in the East Bay). She really stole our heart in the short amount of time that we spent with her. She is a really special little girl, and I will never forget her. It would mean the world to me if you messaged me back and let me know how she is doing.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I am so sorry if this is coming off as really strange, but please know my heart is in the right place, and I don't think it's bad for so many people to care about one little baby :)

The next day I had a FB message back, and although the news wasn't great, the first line made me feel so good: "I'm glad you sent this message." Apparently, the baby's mom is now claiming he's not the father, and he's gone to court once and been told he needs to take a DNA test, and he's not getting any answers, but he has a court date this week... He didn't answer anymore of my questions about if she's ok or if he's seen here, or who is taking care of her... I hope he sends me another update... At this point, I have no idea if he's capable of taking care of this baby. I don't know if anyone in his family can pass a background check, I don't' know anything, but I do know that at least he's making an effort, and that's more than many men do.

It's been odd... in may ways I feel like I am on the other side of an adoption - I had to do the best thing for the baby and myself by saying goodbye, and yet I was left with so many questions, and so much uncertainty and insecurity. It's amazing how just having the little amount of contact with her father (I'm really assuming he's the dad, he's always been the dad, and he and the mom were living together when she became pregnant, so it's not like he was a one-night stand or something) has put a little bit of peace in my heart, like I still have a link to her.

If I hear anything else, I'll update here, but the one thing that gets me through is telling myself that she's most likely with a family who is just loving and loving her, maybe a foster family or maybe an adoptive family that was willing to be in a risky situation, but in any case, I truly feel she is being loved, and I'm actually getting through days without crying now. I just hope I'll get a little more info soon. 

2010 can suck it

Ok 2010, you have just a little over 2 weeks to redeem yourself, but really, who are we kidding. 

Let's take a look at some of the lowlights and, to be fair, some of the highlights of this past stinking year.

January 1, 2010. If there was ever an inauspicious beginning to a new year, this had to be it. Started the year off by getting food poisoning so bad I ended up in the emergency room. I spent the first 10 days of the year completely housebound in pain and drained, in every sense of the word. Plus I had to field messages from my boss insisting that I had cholera. 

The next few months were consumed with the buying of our house. Every other day we were delayed, delayed and delayed some more with our loan. At one point we had resigned ourselves that the house we had been waiting for for 8 months wasn't going to be ours. 

Luckily, everything finally came together, the bank got their act together and we were able to close just a couple of weeks late. Yay for our first house, with plenty of room for our eventual new baby!

After February, everything was normal. I can't think of any really big disappointments, so that's good.  I did get to visit Mexico's Copper Canyon with two of my co-workers, and that was a nice diversion.

Edited to add: I forgot to mention my car accident in June! I was hit at full speed by a hit & run driver on the freeway. Thank God I wasn't hurt (other than some back pain), but having to pay a $2k deductible didn't feel very good!

In September, our adoption homestudy was finally approved, more than one year after we had begun (we delayed everything due to the new house). In October we went live, and waited for a match.  

In early November I went to Guatemala as a representative of my company, and that had its ups and downs, but for the most part was a highlight. Then in late November were matched with sweet Olivia, and in a whirlwind of 48 hours we experienced the most amazing feelings of love and responsibility to the deepest despair after having to say goodbye. Though we never actually got to say goodbye. All our decisions were made in a dingy Motel 6 away from the hospital... 

At the end of November, the morning after we got home from leaving Olivia, we were contacted by another woman who said she had chosen us to be her unborn baby's parents. Unfortunately, after two weeks of leading us on, but never following up with any of the agency's requests, including signing releases in order to have her pregnancy confirmed, or even telling them that she wanted to match with us, or even remembering our names when she did briefly call the agency.... the agency said in their best judgment that she was an emotional scammer and that we should disengage. The agency let her know that in order to move forward she needed to contact them, and instead she sent me a text that said the agency told her she wasn't allowed to contact us again, so sorry... 

Which leaves us here, in mid-December wondering what more hell we're going to have to go through before this year is finally over. 

Edited to add 12/16: This blog post must have really gotten to me, because last night I had a dream that I was going to die, and I was put on a plane that had designated seating for those with whatever illness I had. One of my thoughts, was, shoot, now I have to add this to my list of sucky things of 2010 on my blog!

Triggers

A few friends got together when they heard that we had been chosen by Olivia's birthmom and gave my husband and I an amazing, generous, fantastic giftcard to Babies R Us. I received it after we had come home without Olivia, but instead of it making me cry or super sad, I felt love and joy and even some relief. Well, first I felt guilt, because the gals who pitched in were obviously excited about our news, and I felt so bad that I had disappointed them that I actually was trying to find a way to reimburse them for the giftcard, but I was told pretty quickly that I was being ridiculous and it was a gift for us and our forever baby, whoever that ends up being... 

Anyway, it was an e-card, and on Sunday I started getting really paranoid that I would have a computer failure, or my cats would eat the printout, etc, etc, and somehow I would lose the e-card, so I decided to go into BRU to exchange the e-card for a physical gift card. Easy peasy. Since I had handled walking into BRU so well, I thought I would go ahead and take a run through the aisles... I swear I was doing fine, making mental notes, comparing items... until I came to the diaper bag aisle. There I saw the diaper bag my mom had bought me on the day we went to go get Olivia. She had called us from BRU right as we were leaving and said she had a ton of stuff for us, could we make a quick detour and meet her to get everything? So we did, and out of her trunk came a jumbo sized BRU bag overflowing with pink. Pink snowsuits, pink outfits, pink blankets, and a very pink diaper bag... we just laughed and hugged and took it with us. 

When we didn't come home with Olivia, I didn't know what to do with all the pink stuff.  I kept it in my trunk for about a week, and then slipped back to my mom's house and dropped it off. I didn't care if she took it back, or kept it for us for another time, but I just couldn't have the sea of pink taunting me.  So, she took the stuff back to BRU, most of it anyway. When I went to BRU on Sunday, there, right in front of me, was the the diaper bag, my diaper bag, the one I had taken all the stuffing out of and carried into the hospital because I was told that the hospital would fill it up with baby goods. It was right in front, and there was no denying it had been the one my mom had bought for me.  I quickly exited the store and waited for the tears and sobs to begin. But they didn't. 

Feeling empowered by not breaking down at BRU, I went to the mall to try to get some shopping done.  As I was smelling all the goodies at the Body Shop, a sight caught my eye. It was a white woman with an African American baby girl. The baby was beautiful, a bit older than a newborn, but still pretty young. She had curls like Olivia, but longer. Her skin was a similar shade and I just stared and then the tears started welling up, and I wanted to explain the the woman why I was staring at her, but instead the tears just started flowing. The mom was wearing her baby in a carrier or a wrap, just like I've dreamed of doing, and they seemed both really at peace, and I just wanted to talk to her, but I was afraid that I would freak her out with my tears and my story, and also I have urges to touch tight curls, and I realize that's not appropriate, but I'm not sure I can help myself, so it's best if I keep temptation away (my poor cousin, who is biracial, just chopped her hair off and she was a victim to me needing to run my fingers through curls. :))... so I quickly left the store and the mall.  

Throughout my ttc journey, and up to this point, I've never needed to avoid baby-related things (pregnant ladies, showers, stores), but this day was just too tough on me. I didn't realize I would be triggered by just going to the mall and seeing a sweet baby and her mom, but I was and now I need to figure out ways to deal. I'm just so worried about Olivia. Although we are no longer in the way of her father & his family, we were just one of many hurdles for them to get through, and I don't know where she is now or who she is with... my assumption is that she's with a foster family and I just hope they realize how amazing she is. 

So, I have a situation brewing with another potential birthmom, but for right now, she's not cooperating fully with our agency so I'm sort of disengaging until we get some things cleared up. I'll write more about all that a little later. Life is strange sometimes.

I was a mom for two days...

Dear Blog World, I apologize to those who have already read this. These are the posts that I wrote on my local mommy/woman's message board which chronicle the crazy week I've just lived through. It has been hell.

November 16, Tuesday
At least this will be all over quickly...
We have agreed to be shown to a woman who is due 11/25. This is through a facilitator who we aren't signed up with, but who we gave some of our profiles to.  She is showing four other couples to this woman, so it's not like we are really holding our breath, but you never know. The situation is even more complicated, because the woman really wants to parent, but believes that CPS will step in as soon as she gives birth & will terminate her parental rights right away (I don't have any other details). In these types of situations, the birthparent can sometimes work with an adoption professional to have some choice in the matter of who to choose instead of CPS getting involved. There is a chance that CPS won't be involved, and in that case she would parent.

So, there are many, many things that make this a very slim chance for us, and I'm feeling extreme calm. Perhaps denial. In any case, I guess I'll need to talk to my boss finally about our plans to adopt!
Welcome to my roller coaster!

 November 21, Sunday
Ladies, we were chosen. And....the baby girl was born last night, we got the call this morning. The two things that we were waiting to hear about happened - she had to choose a family (due to past CPS issues, otherwise CPS would step in and take the baby, they were already at the hospital waiting for her), and she CHOSE US! I have very little info, but we're going up tonight! I'll know more later. I can't write anymore because we haven't actually prepared for a baby and we are now running around like crazy persons. People, I think I'm about to be a mommy!

November 23, Tuesday
Just to let you know that we are having a lot of complications here and we don't know if we are coming home with the baby. There have been a lot of lies, and they are important lies, life altering lies as well as information previously witheld from us. Besides the lies, sorry to be vague, we also have just been alerted to some birthfather drama. We are trying to hold it together, but it is hard. I thank you very much for all your emails, fb mssgs, and words of support here, but we honestly don't know what is going to happen. Love you all, thank you! 

November 23, Tuesday
Dear Friends,
It is with an intensely heavy heart that I have to let you know that we did not bring the baby home with us, and have stepped away from the situation. I will try to tell the story here...
When we got the call that the baby had been born, and we had been chosen, and that CPS was in place to take the baby but were allowing us to step in, all seemed right in the world. We were told that the birthmom was clean and sober, the baby was healthy, the birthfather was a deadbeat and hadn't given any support during the pregnancy, which meant he was out of the picture.

When we arrived, the facilitator met us and then offhandedly told us the baby had tested positive for cocaine and opiates, but that the birthmom swore up and down that she hadn't used, that there was no way it could be true. The facilitator told us she probably had been around someone smoking crack, and that was the reason the baby had tested positive. There was no way she would have used, as she was in school to be a drug and alcohol counselor. We were idiots and gullible and accepted that explanation, plus we were being rushed through the hospital, getting banded, etc. Then the facilitator told us that the birthdad had been visiting the mom and baby in the hospital with his father, and he didn't know up to that point that CPS was going to be involved. So, he was all ready to meet his daughter, and then he got the news that the mom had chosen adoption, or was facing the baby going into foster care. The facilitator told us he was a really nice guy, and wanted to be updated with photos and letters, and that his dad told him he supported adoption because he wasn't in a place to really take care of a baby, and his dad wasn't in a place to help him either. So, that made us feel like the birthdad was on board, sad, but on board.

Immediately we got to meet the little baby, and the hospital was so nice to us, they let us have a room to ourselves for the night, and we got to take care of the baby right away.

She was so sweet. She never fussed, she just slept and every once in a while she opened her eyes, but pretty much she was just peaceful. I spent a lot of time with her in my arms, and so did dh. We started thinking of names, and at one point during the night I woke up with the name "Olivia", and we looked at her and it just fit. She sort of looked like a little olive, too... :) I will forever remember the feeling of her hair in my hand. They were so soft, and so, so curly, tight little curls. The curls felt so nice, I could rub and massage her head forever, and even now I wish I could find something that felt like that so I could get that feeling back.
The next morning we were told that the hospital workers had made a mistake in giving us a room, it was against hospital policy, blah blah blah, but we were so happy to have had that time.

As far as the birthmom, she had already checked herself out of the hospital by the time we got there. We are told it was a horrifically dramatic scene, with her not letting go of the baby and having to have security called on her to pry the baby away. She was really hoping she could fly under the radar, and get away without CPS being notified, but it wasn't to be. We learned later that this was baby #9 for her, and all had been removed. We learned even later that she had been addicted to cocaine since she was 14(she's 30 now) and she had admitted to one of the social workers that she had been sober for two years, but had a relapse recently (obviously), but still didn't admit to using cocaine at the end of her pregnancy. None of this was known to us previously.

In the morning, the pediatrician came in and we were expecting for him to release the baby from the hospital, but he told us that the birthmom had tested positive for strep b, so the baby needed to stay another night in the hospital for observation. He didn't explain well what the consequences of strep b was on babies if they happen to get it,  and he was in and out so quick that we never even had a chance to think of any questions.
After he left, we had a call from a social worker from our agency (not the facilitators office), and she wanted to know if we were ok parenting a baby with cocaine exposure, since it was something that we had previously said absolutely not to. We told her what the facilitator told us, that it was a "passive exposure" and we were told absolutely not. In order to test positive, she had to have ingested it, and since cocaine only stays in your system for up to 72 hours, she had to have taken it right before having the baby.

We talked long and hard about raising a child with cocaine exposure and after some research, ultimately decided we would take the leap. But, before we had come to that decision we called the facilitator to ask her what explanation she had, and instead of reassuring us, or being compassionate, she simply said that she believed the birthmom and if we weren't going forward, that she had families ready to go to take our place. So right then, I started having my doubts about the facilitator. I got off the phone and said to myself, "what a b!tch."

Then my mom talked to my dh and heard about the strep b, and she started texting me non-stop about the effects of it on a baby, if they get it. It was unbearable, especially since we were really more concerned about the cocaine. Of course this got us all riled up, until we finally did some research (and called on a pediatrician), and ultimately, the baby was fine, and would probably continue to be fine, so we were at peace with that aspect.

Then we got a call from our agency social worker, who told us that the birthdad's family had been calling every professional involved (hospital Social worker, CPS social worker, our social worker) and saying that they were willing to take the baby. Now at this point, it gets really tricky. Honestly, the birthfather truly has no rights unless he fights for them, and fighting isn't easy or inexpensive. But, in our mind, just because the law isn't on the father's side, that didn't mean that we thought that was morally right. We were told that he hadn't given any support during the pregnancy, but we found out that was probably not true. We had our social worker talk to him again, and he had decided not to sign the paperwork for the adoption. At this point the scenarios were:
a) take baby Olivia home, hope that no one in birthdad's family would ultimately fight for the baby, and after 30 days she would be legally ours.
b) take baby Olivia home, contact an attorney, and start legally battling birthdad and family, and hope for success.
c) take baby Olivia home, use all our resources (which are low at this point) to fight birthdad's family and ultimately have to either give her back to his family, or to CPS (because when a birthdad contests an adoption, the baby will often go back to the mom, but since mom was unfit, baby goes to CPS).
d) decide that the risk of having to say goodbye after having the baby for a month or longer was too great, that it would kill us emotionally, so we walk away now.

Our social worker advised us that scenario d was what she would do, especially after talking to the birthdad.  This was his first child, and he was ready to fight, and truly hadn't been given a chance to even try to get his resources or family together to parent. And he wanted to be a parent. Our social worker asked us if we were prepared to give the baby back after a month or so, could we live with that? That that is what we needed to ask ourselves and brace ourselves for.

We didn't want to be living with the knowledge that we were keeping a baby from her family, a family that wanted her.

So, we chose d. And no, it is not easy, and I feel like vomiting most of the time, and I cry uncontrollably, and I miss baby Olivia so much, and I don't know what sort of life I've just sentenced her to. And I'm heartbroken... but I'm not destroyed. We feel peace about our decision. We know ourselves, and know what we were capable of, and fighting this fight just wasn't the right thing for us. I know that must be hard for everyone to hear, especially because we wanted it so much, but in the end my dh & I really came together and agreed... and we're dealing.

Thank you so much, everyone, for all of your thoughts, e-mails, and messages. I had many, many offers of baby clothes and gear, and I know that some of you had my address, so I don't know if anything was sent my way, but if it was, don't worry, I appreciate it and will return it to you if needed, or put it away for the next baby. Because there will be a next baby. I'm sure of it.

Just to make you cry a little bit harder, here is a picture of me and Olivia. This is after our night with her, so I'm looking a little tired:
 

Today, while I was standing on a grave...

I received a rope burn on my neck and chin from an errant kite.
Ok, so i'm in Guatemala right now, and was attending the Santiago Sacatepequez All Saints Day kite festival with a group of my clients (I work for a travel company). In Guatemala the cemeteries are not solemn places, but places to rejoice and celebrate those that have passed. The kite festival takes place in the cemetery on nov 1 and it's beyond surreal. Ok I'm finding it hard to type on this machine, so I'll cut this short and just say if you see anyone running towards you with a rope attached to a kite, get out of the way! Even if you think you are out of the way, get even further away. Ow!
I don't have my pictures up yet, but here's a link that shows you a bit about what I'm talking about : http://www.travelsinparadise.com/guatemala/kites/index.html

Little update

Ok, so I called the facilitator yesterday, and we talked for about 40 minutes. She runs a very good program for women in need. Makes sure they have counseling, education, some skills, works on their goals. Adoption isn't the main focus, but she wants it there as an option, and she wants it done right.

My feeling is that the women they work with may be out of our comfort level, and that's ok. But, she will hold our profile without charge, and if there is someone who she thinks we'd like to be shown to (after she's gone through her contracted families), she'll call & ask if it's ok, and then we go from there. The gal who is due in January had just one red flag for us, and so I didn't get much more information other than her situation. 

Craziness

Ok, I'm just putting this down here so I can remember. It's nothing that should cause too much alarm or excitement. I am simply calling someone tomorrow, or maybe tonight if I can reach her in time, about a possible situation. Baby due in January. That's all I know. I don't know if it fits any of our drug/alcohol/mental illness criteria, or anything. I don't know if we can afford the fees. I don't know anything, except that I am supposed to call tomorrow.

It's a long story of how I got to this place, and I'll try to explain as best I can.
One week ago, I dropped our profiles off at our adoption agency. I was very excited, and couldn't believe after more than a full year of getting ready to come to that point, it was finally here! I sent out a note to just about everyone in our address book about our adoption plan, and links to our website, profile, Facebook page, etc etc.  One of those people that got our info was my step-grandma. My step-grandma started talking to a friend of hers who'se daughter had recently adopted,a nd was adopting again. The daughter had ben with an agnecy for to years and hadn't been matched, so she contacted a facilitator. The facilitator came through for her, and she was matched.

So, now the facilitator has several situations that she's looking for prospective adoptive parents for. But, of course, the facilitator has fees, fees that would be crazy for me to pay now, since we JUST went live with our own agency. But, here's where the crazy part comes... my mom got really excited, did some of her own research, but mainly just listened to this third hand information, and offered to pay the facilitators fee for me if I wanted to open our search up. So, I'm torn, but at the very least it's worth me checking out for myself.

The woman who used the facilitator talked to me a bit this weekend, and just Facebooked me that she called the facilitator and the facilitator wants to talk to me about a baby being born in early January via scheduled c-section. So, that's what I'm calling about tonight or tomorrow morning. Too say I'm nervous is truly an understatement!!

I'll update later.

A New Schedule

Once we moved, my commute increased to 1 hour 30-45 minutes each way. Yuck! My boss started getting nervous that I was going to bail, so she made it clear I could experiment a bit with my schedule. For the last three months I've been working 5 seven hour days, but it was still costing us so much in gas and time. I used to carpool, but once I moved and shortened my hours it wasn't feasible (the gal I carpooled with had to work her same hours). After a lot of thought, dh & I decided that if I could carpool again, we would save enough for me to cut my hours to 4 eight hour days & take Fridays off. I don't remember actually asking my boss, I think I just told her that I would be doing it, and that was that. So, now I drive back to my old neighborhood in the morning, and my carpool buddy meets me and we alternate who drives each week. It's working out perfectly!

This means that I have my first non-M-F job in about 13 years, so I really want to take advantage of the one week-day off. I'm going to attempt to document each Friday I have off from now on & bring you along on the adventure! Of course, since I've just now thought of this idea (on Friday #2), I'm going to backdate this post, and the next one, but from there on in I hope I can keep doing it! Follow me while I explore Work Free Fridays!!!!

The home vist part of the homestudy

So much has been happening in my life. I really think all of it is good!
In February we finally closed on our new home, and have been living fairly peacefully since.
Yes, my mother-in-law lives with us... no, it wasn't super easy sailing the first week or so, but we've now all found our groove and we're all coexisting pretty well.
The week after we moved in I scheduled our social worker to do our home visit. This was the last step that she needed to do, and I was anxious to have her get in and finish.
She showed up - and she was about 5 or 6 months (maybe more) pregnant - so I guess it had been a while since we had last seen her!
She had a check list of all the things the state of California requires for Adoptive families,  and we  were able to go through them pretty quickly.
So many people are really concerned and nervous about this part. I guess I've done so much reading about the home visit on so many other blogs that I was almost blasé about it. We had done a pretty good job with most of the boxes, but they were still everywhere. Oh, I found a post I did on one of my message board - this kind of gives you an idea of where my mind was:

It's funny how non-stressed I am. We just moved in last weekend and there are boxes everywhere. My mil needs to be on her best behavior (she lives with us now), and it's just sort of organized chaos all around us - yet I"m perfectly calm - maybe I'm in denial??? ;)

The only tense moment was when my MIL came down the stairs, dragging her cane behind her, wearing her dark sunglasses and sat down to answer some questions. Now, the SW said it wouldn't be a formal interview; she just needed to meet her, so I hadn't really stressed to my mil how important it was that she be normal. So... the nice SW asks her if she's excited about having another grandchild. "Eh... it's fine" was her response. Yep, that's all she said. Oh my God, I almost died. After a few minutes she finally said a couple of nice things, but for the most part I didn't think that part went very well.

So, that's just a quick update - I hope I can write more soon!

99 Things (a meme to help me get back into blogging)

99 Things

This list is just for fun, seen on some other blogs... Bold the things you’ve done and post on your blog!
I cut & pasted this into my e-mail & now I can't remember where I found this - sorry!!!

1. Started your own blog (duh)
2. Slept under the stars (lots of times, but favorite time was on a Green Tortoise trip through the National Parks)
3. Played in a band (elementary school band counts, right? Go Flutists!)
4. Visited Hawaii (many times, plus lived there for a little while)
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity (I've only given what I could)
7. Been to Disneyland (Love it!)
8. Climbed a mountain (a very small one. Maybe it was just a hill... or maybe just a pile of rocks... whatever, I'm claiming it.)
9. Held a praying mantis (as a little kid, I think)
10. Sang a solo (6th grade choir! - I was not good.)
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightening storm (Seeing one in New Mexico was the best)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child (Not yet!)
16. Had food poisoning (This is how I started off 2010.)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train (and foiled a robbery attempt!)
21. Had a pillow fight (slumber party!)
22. Hitch hiked (eh, a short distance, don't do what I did.)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (Shhh!)
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb (but would love to!)
26. Gone skinny dipping (It's a nice feeling.)
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (With my cousin. Not so romantic.)
29. Seen a total eclipse (July, 1991)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run - (Uh, no, when I'd come to bat everyone would come in closer.)
32. Been on a cruise (a few, Galapagos was the coolest.)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke (I even won a competition at my old job.)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt 
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance (three times, I believe...)
47. Had your portrait painted (By my old, nearly blind neighbor. I ended up looking like a gray potato.)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person (missed it by thismuch)
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (seeing two endangered Monk Seals about to fight was a thrilling highlight)
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater (My first one was "Mommy Dearest" when I was 5(!))
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class (Woo hoo YWCA of Manoa, Hawaii)
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (they made me lie down for a long time because they couldn't tell if I had lost all my color or if I was normally that white - I think it was my natural color.)
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (Auschwitz in Poland)
67. Bounced a check (well, my identity & checkbook was stolen & a bunch of checks were written to Cigarettes Cheaper, which bounced, so sort of.) 
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (weird, I keep everything, but nothing is coming to mind)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (Paul.a Co.le was a good friend of my cousin for a while, and once Adam Sa )
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee